Saturday 6 May 2017

BDSM Glossary - 1

Since there are many questions around jargon and terminology and since am such a good girl for wanting to answer these questions, here's another series of posts on BDSM Glossary.

Bondage - Bondage is the first jargon in the entire BDSM acronym. Bondage is about binding someone. Could be mental, emotional, physical or various combinations of these.

Since there are many questions around jargon and terminology and since am such a good girl for wanting to answer these questions, here's another series of posts on BDSM Glossary.

Bondage - Bondage is the first jargon in the entire BDSM acronym. Bondage is about binding and restraining someone. It could be mental, emotional, physical or various combinations of these.

Bondage, or for that matter, any activity in BDSM can be classified as mental as well as physical. From a practitioner's POV, the mental games are sufficiently risky to be taking them casually. More so, because they can have impact on the day to day life. For instance, if someone wants to do hypnotic bondage, they better be trained as a hypnotist, rather than experimenting with another's mind.

Frankly, mental bondage is more of a lifestyle choice and a risky one ta that. Not to be taken lightly, one should practice it only with seasoned and trusted partners.

On the other hand, physical bondage is usually a kink for most people. There are lots of tools that people use for physical bondage. Silk scarves, hand cuffs, ankle cuffs, hog ties, ropes, harnesses. Sometimes people even use saran wraps, tapes, tie bands etc. One needs to be conscious when indulging in bondage to not cut off blood flow or breath.

Some of the bondage is also done for artistic and aesthetic pleasure.  One of such Japanese styles of  rope bondage is called the Shibari. A lot of Shibari practitioners find it meditative.

Shibari is used to create many artistic patterns like corsets, clothing, feet bondage, or for typing the body in different poses and forms.

This post isn't a very detailed and exhaustive post. Ideally, bondage is a subject good enough for independent treatment in a small book. However, I do hope, this kind of takes you through the very basics.

Till the next post, be well and play safe,
© Asmi Uniqus 2017

Thursday 4 May 2017

What do people do in BDSM ?

So the most frequent question I get asked is - what exactly does it mean when you say you practice BDSM? Do you have rough sex? Do you have kinky sex? Do you beat people? Do you get beaten? Do you role play? Do you sleep with many people? Do you do Orgies? Do you.......

And I silently pray that people would calm down just a bit and breathe :) Just like I do. Yes! I breathe in BDSM :) I laugh, I cry, I smile, I weep, I serve, I am taken care of, I get hurt, I hurt, I enjoy, I have fun, and more. But more importantly, I live! I breathe!

However, the euphemisms aside, let's see what all can a session mean. Also, what does a session certainly NOT mean. There are two ways of approaching the subject.

1. What does a BDSM session mean in general?
2. What does a BDSM session mean for me personally?

I will like to begin by saying a BDSM session means what you want it to mean as long as the activities are a part of Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism and Masochism. For a lot of people BDSM session also means kinky sex with fetishes.

Since BDSM is so personal, it may not make a lot of sense if I talk only of my perspective. Afterall, what it means for me, is only one side of the story. So, I will share more about this question on a generic note and let's see, some of the things a BDSM session can mean.

  • What Exactly is a session ?
A session is the time spent together in an intimate / semi - intimate / public setting between two people who identify as BDSM practitioners. This could be sexual or not, public or private. This could include pain, bondage, discipline, sex, or neither.

  • What can a BDSM session entaill?

Any activity that falls under the spectrum of Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism and Masochism can be a part of a BDSM session. By extension, any kinks and fetishes that enhance sexual pleasure may also be a part of a session.

  • Is a BDSM session about exciting sex?
Only if you and your partner want it to be. If one of you is asexual or doesn't want to have sex in a particular session, that's fine. A lot of times a BDSM session is only about the protocol. For instance the submissive may kneel at a Dom's feet and they may watch the TV together and that's all they may do. It's as good as a session for them, if this makes them happy.

  • Then How is a BDSM session different from normal love making or cozy time?
Well, it's not. The mindset is what's different. The activities may or may not differ. You may cuddle up with your boy friend, or you may cuddle up with your Dom. Your Dom may be a guy or a girl. You may have sex with your boyfriend, or may work out with a friend or may indulge in flogging with your sadist, or may let your bondage top tie you up, or  may let your Dominant order you around. None of them are honestly different in my opinion on the surface.

The difference is in how it makes you feel and what activities interest you. If it's plain 'vanilla' missionary sex or a normal workout, it's a vanilla activity. If it's an activity around BD, Ds or Sm, it's BDSM.

Feel free to read, comment, discuss. I'd love to hear your thoughts and answer questions the best I can.

Till the next post.

Be well and play safe,
© Asmi Uniqus 2017

Tuesday 2 May 2017

Is it all fiction or do you really practice BDSM?

So, one of the most common questions that I am addressing these days is - Is it all fiction? Do you really practice BDSM or are you just writing about it ? How is it that in India you can practice BDSM? How did you manage to find a partner? What did you do with them?

I am going to try answering some of these questions. Others, I won't for reasons of privacy of other people, but some of these questions are very pertinent and need to be talked about and discussed.

So The Main Question - Is it all fiction, the stuff you write about BDSM?

No, I do not write pure fiction. Sure my style is that of a story teller because I have to protect people's identities, including my own. However, does that mean, I am narrating erotica? Well, no.

A similar question my father asked me was - the books you've written, are they based on your experiences or on research? My response was - both. It was given in a serious tone, because it was dad I was speaking to. Thankfully also, he didn't probe into details. 

However, I'm sure you realize on this basis, how serious I am about what message I send out in this universe because I know I will reap the same. I write authentic, I get to read authentic :)

With that, my only wish is that I find it in me to continue on my own path for self-awareness, growth, submission, strength and may everyone find their path too :)

Till the next time, stay well and play safe!

© Asmi Uniqus 2017