Thursday 6 April 2017

Safe Call

So first off, let me share a bit about what is a safe call.

What is a Safe Call?

A safe call is a trusted person, I will call before I go for a session with a new partner. 'New' is what I define 'new'. For instance, I prefer to listen to my gut, but the first 3 sessions with anyone in my life are arranged with safe calls.

My safe call is a friend who is not going to be busy that day, or who I trust with my life. Someone I know will dump anything and rescue me, should I send them an SOS warning.

Remember, safe call is not the same as the 'safe word'. It does not mean that I scream 'red' and my Dominant will stop doing the activity they are doing. Safe call is my rescue plan, my emergency exit from a session, my backup in case a Dom faints and I am tied, a friend who knows how frequently to check me, the location where I am (it could very well be my own house, his / her house or a hotel), the duration I am going to be there for. Most importantly my safe call WILL KNOW who I am with.

Challenges with a Safe Call:

  1. You really need to trust this person with your life.
  2. Your play partner may not be comfortable with someone else knowing about them.
  3. Your play partner may not even understand the significance of a safe call.
  4. Your play partner may simply refuse to play without a safe call.
  5. Your play partner thinks you do not trust them.
Addressing these challenges:
  1. This is why it is important to make friends in the scene first and play later. There are always, kind, responsible and compassionate kinksters who will be willing to become your safe calls. This is like telling my best friend that I am going for a tinder date with a stranger in a hotel room.
  2. Then, they've got a problem. I would say, see the red flags and run. No man in this world is an island. Believe me, I know that it's difficult for most people to share or have the details of their intimate escapades with a third party. However, if they do not respect your concerns, then will they really respect your consent?
  3. Another red flag! This is easy to work with though. Assuming, your partner is willing to talk, learn, discuss, consider and eventually practice.
  4. Then DON'T PLAY WITH THEM. Simple! I do not remember how many people have I refused because they just refused to see the logic or denied to do something about it even when they saw the logic.
  5. Not true! It simply means that you trust a tried and tested friend as a backup option. BDSM play is not about ego tussles, competitions and insecurities. It is about responsibility, communication, respect and safe practices, just like any other dynamic. If your partner has trust issues, you need to sit down and talk and work THAT out before you guys play.

Exciting is different from dumb, you see! So please ensure that you are AWARE of safe call, KNOW it's an option. USE it !

© Asmi Uniqus 2017

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