Wednesday 15 August 2018

The People I meet

Today, let’s talk a bit about the people I meet. I am socially extremely active. At one point I was almost a serial dating enthusiast. That said, I still meet one person outside my family, every day. I try to meet at least 3 new people a week. I must admit, I have slowed down much. Over last decade and more, I have met at least 2000 + men. 

The truth is that I end up meeting men lot more than I meet women. This is true for multiple reasons. In this post, I will try and share some insight into how and what platforms do I meet people from; what kind of people; why more men than women; and some common categories in which these people can be classified.

I meet people both online and offline. I am a very extrovert, easy to approach and communicative person. Or, so I have been told. I end up talking to my autorickshaw puller (some of you’re rolling your eyes right now). I do that as a rule. I have learnt over time that the road side fruit seller, the grocery store keeper, the server at the restaurant, the maid that cleans up for the next-door neighbours, are some of the most insightful people I have met. 

When I say I meet one new person a day, it means, I sit down, have a heart to heart, coffee or a meal with them and see what can be done to drive value to their life, or for that matter, mine. I have done that with men from tinder, men and women I came to know at my poetry open mics, candidates I interviewed but didn’t hire, meet up groups, my local Buddhism congregation, my social media acquaintances, temples, parks, dating apps, professional networks and even anonymous apps like Whisper for that matter.

My rule is simple. There are stories to be told, stories waiting to be heard. I want to be one of the people doing that. 

Do I talk to all these people about sexuality? Not necessarily, but in some or the other form, yes. In some or the other form. My maid talks to me of her reproductive health. The auto guys talk to me about their families and I divert the conversation to their wives and other women folk in their family. The direction of the conversation usually goes to their daughters, safety of women, feminism, communication, sexual discourse and more. 

My tinder and other dates are invariably at some point intrigued and interested in my lifestyle. 99.9% days I come back alone. I am not really a hookup person. I do hope though, that I leave them with some food for thought. I certainly come back with enough. 

I usually pay for my share of the coffee. I do not drink more than twice a year, and certainly not with strangers. Once on my birthday and once when something major life-changing event happens. Otherwise I do not drink. Period. There are very few people who can convince me for a drink.

I meet more men than woman because honestly, I do not choose that. Most women on tinder, do not swipe back on me :P Heck, their settings make it impossible for me to even see them. I work with an all-women’s team at one of the clients. Rest of the clients are mostly men, because I work with smaller businesses and usually I work only with the founder / promoter levels. 

Apart from that, the other social avenues usually have a larger ratio of men. My schoolmates are dispersed around the country and are mostly married and mothers, so not as easily available to interact as I would like. I do associate with women on the Sheroes apps and their whatsapp groups and through couchsurfing and in my various spiritual / religious congregations, but again the numbers are few. Not something I control, really.

Classification of people, is a subject best dealt in detail of its own. So, let’s address that in another post someday, I guess 😊

Till then, happy reading and traveling on your paths.

Much love,

© Asmi Uniqus 2018

Wednesday 25 July 2018

Who is Asmi

Some of you have read a bit about me here and there. Others have asked me questions. Some others have given me enough attention and have tried to read my work, my posts and figure out a bit about me. So, I have finally decided to come out to an extent and write this short post. I will try and answer some of the common questions that readers and acquaintances or or new BDSM enthusiasts tend to ask me.

1. Am I a woman?

Yes, I am a biological woman, who is very happy to identify as one. In that sense I am not queer. That said, I have experimented with my bisexuality, so technically that makes me queer. My preference is for my heterosexuality and I am naturally attracted to men. That said, if I do meet very interesting women, women who are capable and experienced Dominants in their behaviour, practice and meet all other parameters emotionally, intellectually, ethically, socially etc. I may consider them as potential partners.

2. Am I single?

Yes, I have never been married. I am a polyamorous person and I identify as what is commonly called as solo-poly. Which means an individual who does not practice polyamory as a couple, but as an independent individual. This means that at a given point, I may or may not have a partner with whom I am romantically attached.

3. Am I looking?

At this moment, I am not actively looking. I am happy to meet people and if I really like someone, I am not shy in telling them. However, like every one else, I am also selective about who I share my intimacy, emotional and sexual energy with. At this moment, my work, my projects and my writing take a priority. This priority is superseded by only my health or my immediate family.

That said, I am not close to the idea of a mature person and their companionship, where I feel that both of us will be able to support each other’s growth as individuals and partners.

4. Am I a professional Dominatrix or a professional Submissive?

No. My bills are paid through very mainstream writing. I write business content for corporate houses, NGOs, CXOs and marketing / digital agencies. I also help startups with content and communications strategy. Due to my previous work experience in operations, I sometimes do consult smaller businesses or coach individuals on how to streamline their business or professional performance.

I do coach people on the deeper aspects of BDSM on the side, where I accept students / mentees extremely selectively. I do charge for my time, but the objective is simply to make trainees take the curriculum seriously, because I take a lot of time to structure personalized, customized courses.

5.  Do I meet people?

Yes, very happily. I am generally very happy to meet new people and see what value can we drive in the world together. I meet people through all sorts of online and offline platforms. That said, I do respect some social and ethical boundaries that I have designed for myself over 12 years of social and intimate interactions with people. Like all of you, I do not like drama in my life and so I do tend to block a lot of people too. It doesn’t make me very happy but I do it when required.

6. Am I a bitch / slut / whore / yada yada?

The fact that I wrote this question here and chose not to dignify it with an answer, is response enough 😊

Happy reading and do share your thoughts,

© Asmi Uniqus 2018

Wednesday 14 February 2018

Only overgrown kids want to submit to others

“You claim to be an empowered woman and yet you claim that you want other people to boss you around. Who would really want to spend all their time trying to tell you what to do. Grow up and take charge of your life. Why do you want to spend all your life being someone’s slave?”


Erm…. Thanks for asking me that question. I really wish your words were laced with less judgement and assumptions. Your question actually tells me much more about you, rather than any of my Dominant partners. 

First things first, I am totally in charge of my life. I eat what I like, I exercise based on what my doctor and trainer recommend, I buy what I can afford, I am well-read, well-educated and very gainfully employed, I live by myself, have wonderful relationships with my family, friends and chosen partner/s at any given point. So, my submission isn’t reflective of my incapability to take charge of my life 😊

Now that we have THAT out of our way, let’s talk about the rest of it. I trust my long-term partners with greater responsibility. That’s one of the reasons I submit. The second reason I submit to someone is, that we have both taken time to know each other very well, not just in the bedroom but also outside it. We MUST have intellectual, emotional, social, and financial compatibility before I agree to even ‘consider’ submitting to them.

Third, I am happy doing things for other people, people I love. Just like I hope you are. Only that my demeanour is submissive rather than obliging. Fourth, I have taken more than a decade of my life and worked on myself, in order to be able to fully embrace my submissive desires and nature. It is not lightly that I submit. It is not to every Tom, Dick, Harry, or Heena, Neena, Karina that I submit.

In some of my write-ups I have mentioned how my Dominant partner/s have brought positivity, empowerment and enrichment to my life. At some places perhaps, I have also written a bit about what value my partners think, I have added to their lives. I might write more on that later.

All of that said, I am neither a doormat, nor a wall flower. I ensure that any Dominant partner I go around with is someone who understands and respects my own accomplishments in life. I do realize that it is a difficult and paradoxical concept for most people to reconcile with.

Further, Dominants don’t just go around bossing people. Just like me, my partners also work on their self-awareness. They work on as many sentiments, personal issues and skills as I do. When I serve them, they also have a responsibility to care for me, to protect me, to ensure I don’t overexert myself. My partner/s take it seriously.

Remember what I do is neither under societal pressure, nor because of coercion. It is with another consenting adult like any other ‘regular’ relationship. Our power exchange is not parasitic, co-dependent or dysfunction like in a lot of erotica. 

One of the good ideas might be to actually connect with some people offline and see how and why they function. Some gentle questions asking them what they do, how they relate with their partners, what makes them do what they do, is a good way to begin. 

BDSM if done right in a consensual set up with the right people is an act of love. As much as any other display is, specially on the Valentines' day.

Hope this clears some confusion.

© Asmi Uniqus 2018