Wednesday 14 February 2018

Only overgrown kids want to submit to others

“You claim to be an empowered woman and yet you claim that you want other people to boss you around. Who would really want to spend all their time trying to tell you what to do. Grow up and take charge of your life. Why do you want to spend all your life being someone’s slave?”


Erm…. Thanks for asking me that question. I really wish your words were laced with less judgement and assumptions. Your question actually tells me much more about you, rather than any of my Dominant partners. 

First things first, I am totally in charge of my life. I eat what I like, I exercise based on what my doctor and trainer recommend, I buy what I can afford, I am well-read, well-educated and very gainfully employed, I live by myself, have wonderful relationships with my family, friends and chosen partner/s at any given point. So, my submission isn’t reflective of my incapability to take charge of my life 😊

Now that we have THAT out of our way, let’s talk about the rest of it. I trust my long-term partners with greater responsibility. That’s one of the reasons I submit. The second reason I submit to someone is, that we have both taken time to know each other very well, not just in the bedroom but also outside it. We MUST have intellectual, emotional, social, and financial compatibility before I agree to even ‘consider’ submitting to them.

Third, I am happy doing things for other people, people I love. Just like I hope you are. Only that my demeanour is submissive rather than obliging. Fourth, I have taken more than a decade of my life and worked on myself, in order to be able to fully embrace my submissive desires and nature. It is not lightly that I submit. It is not to every Tom, Dick, Harry, or Heena, Neena, Karina that I submit.

In some of my write-ups I have mentioned how my Dominant partner/s have brought positivity, empowerment and enrichment to my life. At some places perhaps, I have also written a bit about what value my partners think, I have added to their lives. I might write more on that later.

All of that said, I am neither a doormat, nor a wall flower. I ensure that any Dominant partner I go around with is someone who understands and respects my own accomplishments in life. I do realize that it is a difficult and paradoxical concept for most people to reconcile with.

Further, Dominants don’t just go around bossing people. Just like me, my partners also work on their self-awareness. They work on as many sentiments, personal issues and skills as I do. When I serve them, they also have a responsibility to care for me, to protect me, to ensure I don’t overexert myself. My partner/s take it seriously.

Remember what I do is neither under societal pressure, nor because of coercion. It is with another consenting adult like any other ‘regular’ relationship. Our power exchange is not parasitic, co-dependent or dysfunction like in a lot of erotica. 

One of the good ideas might be to actually connect with some people offline and see how and why they function. Some gentle questions asking them what they do, how they relate with their partners, what makes them do what they do, is a good way to begin. 

BDSM if done right in a consensual set up with the right people is an act of love. As much as any other display is, specially on the Valentines' day.

Hope this clears some confusion.

© Asmi Uniqus 2018


  1. Nicely written. I guess (with sadness), in our nation, the word CONSENT is missing from most dictionaries. Especially the ones that are used to bring a male child.

    1. It's something we have to learn. We all try, I guess.

  2. If you read 11 minutes by Paulo coelho, it says the same thing, You can become everything only when you cultivate the capability to lose everything.... I guess it's one of those processes where we learn to lose.... Lose control, lose ourselves to the last shred of individuality and learn that in every state things are not all that bad....
    Thereby cultivating the 'Bring it on' Attitude towards life.... And that's a very empowering as well as positive thing to have.... Regards

    1. I think that's true for all learning. You have to be able to give up.