Saturday 2 September 2017

100 Rules of Tough Love - Rule 2

Rule 2 - Don't Do it For Rebound aka Velcro Collars

D/s is intense. One of the reasons a lot of Ds practitioners are seen in what we call 'velcro collars' is because they do collars while still in rebound. I mean, let's face it people; breaking up from simple vanilla relationships is so frekkin difficult, this is an entirely different league we're talking about.

Think of it. This woman or man knew your kinks,  how much pain you liked or disliked to get turned on, whether or you enjoy being tied up, or being called names, or blindfolds. They didn't judge you, they didn't call you a freak. In public or in the intimate space that you shared, as your partner, they accepted you for what otherwise would get you labled as a pervert.

And you hope to hop on to a new train before you've even fully gotten off the first one?

Collars are to be respected my friend. In the Indian context think of a 'MangalSutra'. Would you wear anyone's mangalsutra randomly? Would you put it on any neck randomly? Would you exchange rings or garlands with anyone? If not, why would you do that with collars?

Just because it was a BDSM relationship, it doesn't have to be causal? It doesn't have to be all about kinky sex or play sessions? It is important to heal before you meet the next submissive or the next Mr. Grey.

As a submissive, when I am in a BDSM-centric relationship, I trust my Dominant more than I do when I'm dating a regular guy. I obey my Dom much more than a lover. A Dominant isn't my next tinder date. A dominant 'AT TIMES' even has the ability to restrict me from watching TV or pleasuring myself. Does a Boyfriend have that privilege? Well, certainly not.

However, this also means that my bond with a D/s partner is way intense as compared to a lover. This also means, that before entering a new relationship, I need to ensure that I am fully over the previous one.

As a Dominant on the other hand, I am responsible for my submissive's well being. If my anger, my hurt, my boredom is what is driving a session, do I consider myself emotionally fully caring and responsible for my submissive? Well, I can only speak for myself. And no, at such times, I would rather refrain from any activity that gives me a high, including BDSM.

It's really simple. When in a break up, don't rebound, don't drink, don't do BDSM untill you relatively heal. Same goes for the partners you pick as well, so as you are not set up.

Remember, some people's genuine kink is vulnerability. Others, abuse it. Some cannot stand it. You may end up with the wrong partner and miss out on the right one, if you do not allow yourself to settle down.

So hide in a corner if you have to. Socialize with friends if you have to. Heck, even take a break from all sorts of BDSM activity, including reading, watching porn, munches, socials, anything else.

First ? Heal! Tough Love Comes later, my love :)

To those of you who are healing...

Much Love,
© Asmi Uniqus 2017

1 comment:

  1. many people , do not act with thought when on the rebound, but when ones emotions are in play, tis not always easy to think in a logical way